Thursday, September 9, 2010

My heart is sad today

I am feeling a little sad today, I can't really say why though. I look at Priscilla's time, it is already after 10 at night. She is probably sleeping now. Or is she awake? Did she have a good day? Did she play outside her crib? Or did she have to lay in her crib all day? Does she have someone who shows her love? All the many questions I have, that will go unanswered for now.

I know she is a real girl, but it is so hard to imagine her life. Many days I stare at her picture, and that is all I see, a picture. I am looking forward to seeing a smile on her face. Holding her and snuggling with her. Telling her how we have waited and prayed for her. Introducing her to her sister, who can't wait to meet her. All of the many things I look forward to doing, but will they actually happen?

Oh, the unknown. That is what kills me. I am trying to constantly put my thoughts and worries back into the hands of God. Only He is able. As a friend told me yesterday, no matter how hard we try to make things happen, only God truly can. I have to remind myself that, even more than I want her in a home with a mommy and daddy that love her, God wants it more.

A little while ago, I received an email about Priscilla's country. They might be doing a moratorium, I had to look up this word, since I didn't really know the meaning. It means a legal delay to fulfill an obligation. What does this really mean for me? It could mean that there will be a delay in the adoption process, and there is a time limit on the paperwork. Nothing can be more than 5 months old. So, will this affect me? I don't know, but it could affect many other adopting parents. And, of course, the children, who are waiting.

So, please pray for the officials in her country. Pray that they would be filled with compassion for the children. Pray that they would not even be able to sleep at night with the thought of these children spending their lives in an institution. Pray that they would desire to go and see the children, not just look at the paperwork. Pray that they would trust us to truly love the children, that we are not taking their heritage away, but giving them LIFE!

So much I cannot say on here, my heart is just heavy today.


  1. Hi Crystal - what country is Priscella in?

  2. praying for y'all! thank you for sharing your heart!