Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Random things about Kaylee

I have debated many times whether I should write anything else on here. Well, actually I did write a really long post, it's still there, I just never posted it.

I have been unsure whether to just write the happy stuff, or the whole truth, or maybe just a portion of the truth. I am still unsure what to write. It seems most adoption blogs only have happy, beautiful posts, so it makes me wonder what is really wrong with me. Maybe it just depends on the day that people write stuff. Or maybe it is like how I write in the kid's journals. I keep a journal for each of the children, but decided that I would only write the good things and never the hard or frustrating things. I definitely don't want them to read something I wrote on a very frustrating day and think I just didn't want them or that they were a hard child.

Anyway, to be completely honest, this is very hard. I believe it is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. But to be even more honest, parenting is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. There are many completely exhausting and frustrating days with the children that I have to remind myself that I indeed chose this life and that this is what I have always wanted. And then there are those days that I absolutely love every minute of the day. So, did the hard days only start when Kaylee became part of our family? No, but in all honesty, things are just harder with her than they were with the other two. I don't completely know why, but I have theories as to why.

Anyway, all that to say, things get better and then they get worse, and then they get better. Last week, up until yesterday, things were extremely hard. I think Kaylee took a huge step back. But today, she has been amazing. I only wish that I knew why and could re-create to make it always easy. It definitely gives me hope for the future.

I still think she is the smartest little girl, yesterday she signed outside all on her own. I was so excited. And she said "Da" and reached up to Josh.

So, now she can sign "eat","more","drink","outside", the one sign I know she knows but won't do is "all-done", she just doesn't want to be done eating, so she won't sign it :), we are trying to sign it at other times too.

We have been working on her walking between furniture and she can now take 5 steps. The way I motivate her to walk is by putting a piece of food on the couch and having her walk from the ottoman to the couch, yesterday she actually by-passed the food to walk to me. This is Huge! And if she falls down and I know it must have hurt, she never cries, she actually kind of laughs, but yesterday when I picked her up, kissed and hugged her and said "oh you poor baby", she actually wanted that over the food.

She knows who we are and is starting to prefer me over others. If someone else is holding her, she will reach towards me. Except with my mom :). We are working on attaching even more, because she still will go with anyone who smiles at her.

She loves her swing, I kind of think that is why she signs outside. At first, she hated it, now I think it is one of her favorite things to do.

She also lets us throw her up in the air and laughs, she hated this at first. I think she is trusting us more.

She loves the big pool now, still not the kiddy pool though. And now that she is becoming more attached to us, she prefers to be in our arms than in a floatie.

This absolutely drives me crazy, but she will crawl to her chair and stand up and scream until I get her or feed her. It drives me crazy, because one day I decided to see how long she would do it and if she would stop and come to me on her own when I called her, she did not. :) But, it just shows me how smart she is and how fast she picks things up.

She is starting to play with toys, but still prefers to bang the toy rather than playing with it, but it IS a start.

She is learning to use a spoon, but still won't do it on her own. But, it is progress because she doesn't cry now when I put it in her hand. She will put the food in her mouth, but then hold the spoon straight up in the air until I put food on it.

She is starting to love Malika as much as Malika loves her. She will now laugh and smile at her instead of screaming at her. Last night, Malika and Justus were running around laughing and Kaylee would not take her eyes off of them and would turn her head when they passed her.

Kaylee moans alot now, it is more of a zoning out. She will pick up anything tiny and stare at it and play with it and just moan. She would probably do this much of the day, except I try to stop her and re-direct her. This is one of the orphanage behaviors she has. It actually seems worse than before.

Yesterday, I was thinking about her life at the orphanage. I am sad for the life that she was given, that no one was there to care for her or love on her. I am sad that she spent the first 3 months of her life in the hospital with no one to love her or adore her. I am sad that she did not have someones eyes to stare into. I want to make up for all that. I want her to know she is treasured and loved now. On the days that I am frustrated, I don't want her to know the frustration, I only want her to know the love and peace of being in a family.

Malika and Justus are doing well too. Justus is starting to like Kaylee again and he is even giving her hugs and kisses now. He is starting to share with her, but only if he is told to. If I see him being rough with her, I say be gentle, so he will rub her head, it is too cute. Malika, of course, adores her and loves her as always, she will go up to her and laugh in her face and talk baby talk to her just to get her to smile and laugh.

 Here are some pictures of the kids:

Malika loving on Kaylee
 The sweetest picture of Kaylee, this is the picture we are using for her American passport. 

Malika and Justus in the sprinkler, wearing floaties, just in case they thought they would drown :) (yes, Lindsay, those are your floaties, we thought since we accidentally borrowed them, we should put them to use)

Kaylee finding a leaf, then putting it in her mouth.
 I couldn't refuse this picture, even though she is crying, she is just too cute. This was after I took the leaf out of her mouth.
 Reaching out to me when I called her name.
 Malika and Justus driving a car. Malika is pretending the thing she is holding is her stick shift and the hangars are the steering wheels.
 Playing in the puddles after it rained

 Kaylee sitting on her car outside. 
 This is from today. I put Kaylee down for a minute to get my camera to upload pictures and this is how I found them when I got back. Justus was patting Kaylee, saying "Kay-ee" over and over. 


  1. I am so happy you decided to post! :) When I was reading what you wrote I thought to myself that maybe some people only feel the need to blog with they have fun/positive things to share. Like on facebook... some people post only happy positive things and then you have others that post when they need to vent and things are not going so great. Just my thought on why people blog what they do... anyways ... Cute cute pictures! She looks so healthy and happy! Even on her worst days they will always be 100 times better then her life in an orphanage or institution. Without challenges in life we would not grow... you and your family are growing in so many ways and down the road all the hard work you have put in will come back to you in the best way possible. :)

  2. Malika - You are such a great big sister! Uncle Jackie says hello :)

    Justus - You looked awesome in those floaties! So glad you didn't drown in the sprinkler.

    Kaylee - We will have to get you and Ana together again soon...peas in a pod :)

    Josh and Crystal - hang in there, guys. We are with you!

  3. Loved it! Thanks for sharing! :)

  4. I am so glad you decided to post :) I personally think that adoption blogs should post the good with the bad. It's not all going to be a bed of roses and anyone who thinks it is has fooled themselves! If you want to blog your true feelings you know that you can change the settings on your blog so that "anonymous" posters cannot post, right? This change would let the negative people keep their feelings to themselves if they aren't brave enough to post under their real name. :) Just a thought! You are doing a great job with Kaylee, so hang in there. We leave on Sunday to go and pick up our sweet girl in EE too!

  5. I believe that what you are experiencing is so very normal. Regardless of the way that a 3rd child is added, it's going to upset the apple cart. That somebody had the nerve to criticize you for expressing your (realistic) experiences on this blog is incredible. You are giving a window (not rose colored glasses) through which we can get an accurate picture of what it might be like to add a developmentally disabled child to a family through international adoption. Delete those negative posts and keep on trucking! I think you are amazing!

  6. Hang in there! Your experience is very normal! Adjustment and bonding is a process & sometimes it is challenging! Be gracious with yourself! Kaylee is precious.

  7. Crystal! I am so excited that you updated! I was dying to see how you guys are doing. We were able to copy and paste a few of your pics from your previous post and show the nannies. They squealed when they saw her. Today we went to the market and bought a CD so that we could burn some pics of Kaylee and some pictures that Lindsay sent us of Sasha and Ana. We are going to print them tomorrow. Marina wants to show the judge who heard your case since it what their first adoption case and then we will leave them for the nannies. We have court in 2 days! Keep updating at least once in a while pretty please :)


  8. I stumbled upon you blog from the link on Reece's Rainbow and wanted to thank you for this post. I am not in the position to adopt, but have been following all the children and families from RR for about a month. Congratulations on adding to your is a beautiful one and you are all so blessed to have found one another.

    What I want to thank you for is your honesty. I am the mom of two little ones (2 and 4) and I find parenting joyous but REALLY hard! I loved this post because you told the truth and that is what is so important for all of us parents to do...not complain or moan, but to tell our truths of what a struggle it is some moments, some days, some weeks and some months.

    Three little ones under your jurisdiction! I bet you have your hands full and sometimes your head is about to pop off! I salute you and your bravery. They will all, god willing grow up but wow! it is hard with the little ones.

    Many blessings to you.


  9. I am thrilled I was able to get on your blog. I have a little flyer in my room, it is from a bake/yard sale at Judy's home last August. This was when I fell in love with Reece's Rainbow. All because of you! I was just thrilled to see a family choose a DS child and it just sent my heart into a place I did not know it could go. I was all ready to adopt a RR / DS child from then on. I had to give God control of a few things and well he decided that we needed another bio child first so we are going with that for now, knowing that our future very well could have a RR child in it.
    All that to say, I have prayed for you and that precious girl. I have followed so many blogs since my heart was opened last fall, You are not alone... many families experience a very difficult time when their children get home. Father does not bring you to obstacles just to frustrate you, He often brings you to them so He can show you the way He has planned for you to get around them. He wants us to be looking to him for all things... (Oh if I could heed these words myself).
    Kaylee is simply beautiful, she is blessed to have been chosen, and she has parents that love Jesus... That combination is excellent. Keep looking up and Let the Son shine!

  10. Oh my heart! This is a beautiful, heart-felt post! And that last picture of Justus patting Kaylee? Precious!