She feels like ours now

Today we took our own clothes for Kaylee. She looked so cute and really felt like she was ours. I just want to take her home now. It has become increasingly harder to go to the orphanage everyday, and it has nothing to do with the orphanage so much, just that we are tired of going and just want to go home and start our "new" life.

Really, I just cant wait to go home and be a mom to my children and learn how to take care of three kids. I have been thinking about how in the world I am going to go grocery shopping with three kids, one who can't walk, one who I don't trust to walk by himself and one who doesn't want to walk. Probably Kroger will be the only way to go, since they have grocery carts that hold 4 children, or send Josh. It would be wonderful if someone would do all my grocery shopping for me, of course then I would probably complain about how much they spent. :)

Anyway, today went mostly well. Justus threw up all over me, the chair, the floor and Malika's blanket. And it wasn't just a little bit. Poor little guy, I don't know if he is sick or if it was just a one time thing. He is sleeping now. I really hope he is not sick. Please pray for him.

One week from today and our "10" day wait will be up! So excited, maybe in two weeks we will be coming home.

(if anyone at home is wondering what size Kaylee is, she fits perfectly in 12 months, but could probably fit in 18 month, except for the length.)

Her name

Why we chose Kaylee:

When we first decided to adopt Kaylee, we thought her name was Priscilla, but then we came to realize that was just the name Reece's Rainbow used and that her real name was Irina. Both Josh and I wanted to keep this as her name since it would be the one thing she can keep from her past. It was her name and we didn't want to change it. So we sought to come up with a middle name that would go with Irina. I found many I liked, but Josh never liked any of them. One night we went to Barnes and Nobles to look at baby name books to come up with one. We both wrote several down, but neither of us liked the other's names, except we had one in common- Kaylee. But we both agreed we liked it too much to use just as a middle name, so we decided we would save it.

We still hadn't come up with a name when we arrived in Ukraine and found out that we had to know what we wanted to name her the same day we met her. I told Josh he could name her, since he didn't like anything I came up with. He decided on Kaylee Irina, since many people mis-pronounced Irina and we both liked Kaylee. I wasn't sure about taking her name away, and was surprised Josh wanted to change her first name, because he was adamant about keeping her first name the same.

We also found out that she isn't called Irina, but that they either call her Ira (ee-ra), or by her last name, so that made it easier to change it.

Kaylee means "pure", and Irina means "peace".

During court we found out before she was named Irina, her name was Katerina. That is what they named her in the hospital. And then somehow between the time she was in the hospital and when she went to the orphanage, it was changed.

The really awesome part is, I looked up Katerina and it comes from the same name that Kaylee comes from. They are both forms of Katherine and they both mean pure. I think it was meant to be.

She does know her name is Kaylee now, and does look our way when we say it.

Life goes on

It's been a few days since I've written, so I guess it is about time I should update the blog. I actually did write a post a couple days ago, but then I accidentally deleted it and didn't want to take the time to re-write it. It is probably a good thing I didn't post it, because I had written it more out of guilt and i didn't write the truth about what was going on here.

I have been feeling guilty because I was so concerned with all that was going on here and wanting to go home so badly, all because I just don't want to be here anymore or visit the orphanage or eat the food. All the while people at home are suffering and going through huge devastation because of all the tornados last week. Our house and our family are fine, though I haven't heard from all of our friends. The last I heard, the death toll was up to 340 and there are still people missing. And most of our friends haven't even been able to get on the Internet, because they have been without power since last Wednesday.

Anyway, I've just felt selfish, because life is still going on here, and things are relatively fine, but I have still been complaining. 

I should have been rejoicing when the judge granted us permission to be Kaylee's parents, but I didn't (well, momentarily I was happy), but then I think the stress of it all really got to me. And then we found out we would have to wait even longer here before coming home. Instead of the 10 day wait, it would be 12 days and then after the wait is when we apply for her passport, which takes about 5 business days. So instead of the wait being up on a Monday, it will be up on Wednesday, which means we will have to be here about a week longer due to the weekend.

Even though we went to court and the judge said we are to be her parents, things go on as they did before. Nothing has really changed, except that now we know we get to bring her home instead of being uncertain. I am definitely rejoicing over that. Court was so hard on me emotionally, I thought for sure they were going to say no about three times. Our facilitator was even nervous. There was a witness sitting next to the judge, they are supposed to be silent, but this one was not. He was trying to convince the judge that Kaylee was not healthy enough to travel on an airplane. Then at one point the judge asked the social worker about her age, he thought she was too young to be adopted. That she wasn't available long enough for a Ukrainian family to adopt. They are supposed to be listed for a year for ukrainians before being available outside of Ukraine, and for some reason she wasn't available for adoption until she was several months old. The social worker said that no one has been interested in her, only us, so it would be in her best interest to be adopted by us. Thank the Lord this convinced the judge.

Things have not changed much, we still visit Kaylee twice a day. We did go to the Ukrainian circus this weekend. It was interesting, my first thought was "there are children here", the women were hardly dressed. It opened with a couple on an acrobat ring thing, I would say that because of what the woman was wearing and what they were doing would have made it at least rated R if it were a movie. I was quite embarrassed having brought our children, and this place was a family thing, it was full of children. Anyway, it did get a bit better. Justus loved it, Malika did not, because it was very loud, she wanted to go home. 

After it was over, we went to eat at McDonald's. It tasted so good while eating it, but then I felt sick after, probably because I haven't eaten fried food in the past 5 weeks. It was so nice being able to get out and do something different. I think we will try to go into town again next weekend too.

I will write another post soon about her name, I have something really interesting to share about that.

She's Ours!

From Josh:

We have just finished court. We have been granted permission to adopt Kaylee! We were nervous at the end because they kept us waiting a long time, but they ruled in our favor at last. We are excited and relieved. We have to wait 10 days still, and there is a holiday, but should be able to move forward May 11.

Court in 2 days

This morning Kaylee had to wear boys clothing and a silly bonnet. She looked ridiculous and cute all at the same time.

Josh should be on an airplane right now. It is so hard to know he is traveling but not sure where he is and I don't have any way to communicate with him. He should be here sometime Thursday morning.

Friday afternoon is court. We are 8 hours ahead here, for those wanting to pray for us. Court is 2:30, which would be 6:30 in the morning in Alabama. Please be praying for us. Pray that it will finish that day. If all goes well, we could be coming home in about 3 weeks.

Things I miss

Things I miss about home:

Meat, hamburgers, French fries, Mexican food, salsa, peanut butter, friendly people, smiles, being able to dry our clothes, clear water from the faucet, water that doesn't smell like the sewer, being able to flush the toilet paper, understanding people, not having to dress the kids like it's 20 degrees, cheese that melts, friends, family, fast food, being able to drive where I want to go, not having to go to the store everyday, watching tv that isn't dubbed over in Russian.

I'm sure one day I will miss something from here, well maybe. Anyway, I will be even more grateful for the things at home.

Today was a good day with Kaylee. She got so dirty today. I wouldn't care, but I'm afraid I will get in trouble, so instead of telling them, I am just going to take her clothes home to wash them and then sneak them back. She had a ton of fun though. She even took two steps on her own today, though I'm not sure yet if it was just a fluke or for real.

Yucky meat

We are all sick. It isn't anything major, I only hope we don't get any worse. I was in the bathroom much of the night. No more little un-refrigerated pizzas, at least that is what I think caused my sickness. They do not refrigerate their meat here. In the grocery store there are whole chickens just sitting on the counter. They even sell meat out of the back of cars, and it is not in coolers, and people just walk up and touch it. It may be harmless, but goes against everything I have been taught, so it scares me. When we first got here, we bought chicken, but it was bad, so we pretty much stay away from the meat. Except for those little pizzas. I usually take the meat off mine ( I have no idea how long it has been sitting out). The one I ate yesterday didn't taste right. The one the kids ate tasted fine though. So that is my theory as to why I am sick. The kids just have runny noses and coughs.

Last week at the orphanage, all the little girls were dressed up and they were headed somewhere, I'm guessing it had to do with Easter. I also saw someone carrying this tall little bread like thing with white frosting and sprinkles, the way they were carrying it, I knew it was something special. Then, the other day when we went to the store we saw those little bread things too, hundreds of them. So we bought one. It was like a raisin bread with a frosting on top. I figured out it was an Eastern European Easter bread called Paska. Ours was just white, but can be made with swirled white and yellow, the yellow represents the resurrected life of Jesus and the white represents the Holy Spirit. I think that I would like to start making them for Easter to continue on some of the Ukrainian heritage for Kaylee. They weren't bad tasting, but would definitely be better homemade. (the paska bread is in the picture)

Only a few more days until Josh comes back. We made a calendar so Malika can count down the days, but I kind of think it is more for me than her. The kids don't understand so much, it is hard. We talked to Josh on the phone last night and afterward Justus put his head on my shoulder and cried "daddy". Then when I was putting The kids to bed, Malika cried and said "I just want daddy". I'm so glad the separation will end soon, I don't know how families in the military do it.

Last week, I took just Malika to the orphanage with me one time to spend time with her. I was curious as to what she thought about being here. I asked her if she liked it here, she said yes. Then I asked if she wants to stay here, she said yes, but she really wants to go home too because Grammy and Poppy and Liberty (our cat) love her. She said this in kind of a frantic voice, maybe wondering if we were going to have to stay here.

Kaylee learned how to slide down a slide all by herself today.

Another picture from today

I realized I post mostly pictures of Justus and Kaylee, so I took this picture to share. Malika absolutely loves Kaylee.

Today while kids were playing outside, she looked at them and said "I just want to take the kids home, I want to take them all home". I love her heart, I hope she always has a that heart.

Not depressed

I realize by some of your comments, that you think I am depressed. I am not. Yes, this is very hard, yes, I want to go home, but the Lord has been good and I am very grateful for what we do have. I am glad that I have been able to keep the kids with me, I am glad we are able to stay near the orphanage and the cost is reasonable, I am glad that we are all still healthy, and so many more things. On my way to and from the orphanage, I remind myself of these things. If I did not, then I probably would be depressed. Because at times, since it is the same thing over and over, day after day, it does sound depressing when I write about it, but we are good. :)

Why do we have to stay 3 more weeks?

As far as I know, this is the process. After court we have to wait 10 days, To allow family members to come forward and take her home if they choose to. During this time we cannot do anything. After the 10 days, we have to apply for a passport and visa, which could take up to 7 days, then we have to get a medical done for her to make sure she is healthy before traveling. Anyway, it all becomes clearer as we go through the process. I don't understand it all, so I am grateful Marina (our facilitator) handles most of it. After the 10 days, we will stay here about a week longer, then we are in Kiev for 2 days. Then we will make that wonderful trek by plane with 3 wonderfully behaved children :)

This morning was great, they allowed us to take Kaylee outside, and it was beautiful out.

I tried to take a picture of Justus and Kaylee on the swing, but they both looked silly in all of them.

Kaylee is sick

Kaylee has been sick for the last few days. Today she seems a lot better to me, but the nannies make it seem like she is worse today. I was so worried about her a few days ago because she had a fever and was having trouble breathing. I haven't been able to take her outside, I think they think the cold air is what makes you sick, not germs. Then today, I was told to keep her away from the window. I just follow the rules, but I think they are strange. The strangest thing they told me was that all children with down syndrome are not allowed to eat red foods. I wonder where they get their information from.

I haven't taken Malika and Justus to the orphanage in a few days because of Kaylee being sick. And since we can't be outside, I don't want them to be around her and get sick also.

It is very difficult being there by myself, it makes the time drag by. I have a ball, a bag of wipes, a paci, a teether, and a baby for 2 hours, 2 times a day. She is pretty content with the wipes. It is funny that that is her favorite thing to play with. It is becoming more difficult to entertain her, especially since she is sick. She just wants to sleep, but I am not allowed to let her, so she cries. I feel so bad for her.

This morning when I got her she had a bite mark on her arm. I pointed to it and they said this little boy did it. It seems hard to believe, because he just seems so sweet. I wonder why he bit her, especially since they aren't even in the same crib. I wish I knew what happened when I wasn't there.

Things are so difficult here, I am trying to stay positive, but it is much easier said than done. The hardest part is the language barrier.

Josh will be here in 7 days and we have court in 8 days. I asked about waiving the 10 days, but was told by Marina that they won't do it in this region, so it looks like it will be another 3 weeks after court.

I wish I could post pictures from my camera, they are so much cuter.

Overcoming trials

Today was a really good day. This morning started out a little hard, because Justus woke up at 5:30, and Malika was having a hard morning. I prayed and asked God for something to help me get through the day. I was lead to read Ephesians 6 again. For some reason I have been stuck there, so when I heard Ephesians again, my first thought was that I must not have learned what I needed to learn from it. It talks about putting on the full armor of God and that we fight not with flesh and blood, but powers and authorities of darkness. It really did help me to read over it again, because yesterday was a really hard day and I wasn't sure how I was going to get through today.

Yesterday, I went to the orphanage on my own in the morning. After about an hour, Kaylee fell asleep, one of the nannies (she is the only one who has never smiled at me and she always glares at me in the hall. I think she either hates me or Kaylee), anyway, she saw Kaylee asleep and stared at me for a bit, then talked to two other nannies. Then she came over and started yelling at me, for about 5 minutes. And she was so rough with Kaylee. I didn't understand the words she was saying, but I got the message. After she yelled about letting her sleep, she got angry and said something about not taking her outside (I was standing next to the door, just looking out), I had no intention of taking her out. Anyway, when I managed to wake Kaylee up, she just cried. I took her back to her class and one of the other nannies yelled at me again. Seriously, I think they think that since I don't understand them that I am stupid. When I left, I cried. I really tried not to, but it was just so hard. I called and talked to Marina about skipping the evening time, she said that was fine, so we took the kids to the park and to get ice cream instead. It was nice to just spend the evening with Malika and Justus, but I felt bad about leaving Kaylee with the mean nanny.

So that scripture really helped me this morning. I didn't want to go to the orphanage again, but I know that I am fighting something bigger than mean people, I am fighting the powers of darkness and there is nothing to fear in people, afterall, if God is for me who can be against me.

Today was sunny and warm (for Ukraine), we played outside all morning and most of the afternoon time. Kaylee did so well outside and all the kids had so much fun.

I can tell Kaylee knows who we are now and likes us, in the beginning she did not like going outside and she screamed often. Now she is so happy to be anywhere with us, and rarely screams anymore. The screaming was unnerving because I didn't understand it and I wasn't sure if it was a DS thing or an orphanage thing. She would do it at the same time as throwing herself backwards. She still does that some, but less. I kind of think she just likes the way it feels.

I have completely fallen in love with this little girl, I just think she is so beautiful, I love her almond eyes and the way they close when she smiles and laughs. I love her little chubby cheeks and her short and stubby fingers.

In all honesty, the love was not immediate and it worried me. I thought I would love her the moment I saw her, but she was nothing like I imagined, that little girl never existed. I had stared at her picture for so long that I fabricated a little girl in my mind, but that was the only place she existed. The real little girl didn't love me, she smelled bad, and had strange behaviors. I really had a hard time with whether we were doing the right thing, because it didn't feel right. I didn't think I would ever love her. I wanted to write the truth about it on my blog, because I thought others going into this needed to know the truth, but I was afraid to, thinking people would always wonder if I loved her or wonder if I thought of her as my own child. But now that I can say I truly love her, I can also say the truth. This is hard, it isn't sunshine and roses and it doesn't always look pretty, and definitely doesn't smell pretty, but that is ok. We may have hard times to come and hurdles to get over, but she is my child, just as if I gave birth to her, she will be no less in my eyes. And well worth it.

Answers

To answer a few questions and clarify some things left in the comments.

Is our nanny still with us?

Yes, she is staying with us until we come home. I couldn't be here with the kids without her. I have taken pictures of her, but they are on the camera, so I am unable to post them.

About our Internet.

We have very limited access to the Internet, I am only able to check email and look briefly on my blog. I send the blog posts by email, that is why I can't put captions with the pictures or put them where I want. Our Internet is really slow and I never know when I will have it, it is really spotty. So, I am unable to look at anything else on the Internet. I am grateful for what we do have.

Can we buy toys for the orphanage or at least for the kids to play with while there?

The town we are in( if that is what you want to call it) is very small. We are actually about 30 minutes outside of the city. We do have a small grocery store and inside it does have a small toy store. We have bought a few things, but the toys here are expensive, so we haven't bought too much. As for buying toys for the orphanage, I would not, only because the children there would probably not get to play with them. It is sad, but we have seen two large rooms full of toys, none being played with. And in Kaylee's room, there is a large cabinet full of toys, but once again they remain in the cabinet. I do not understand it. Even when you see the children outside, they are not allowed to play on the swings, slides, teeter-totters, etc., instead they are put in big cages/crib like thing. They look more like something for animals, they do not have a door though, the kids just know to stay in it. I'm not sure how else to explain them. I am posting a picture of Justus standing in one

Thanks

Thanks for all of the nice comments, it sure makes my day to know that y'all are reading what I write and praying for us.

Thank you so much Sarah for the game idea. We will definitely do it. We made a tent this morning and they had fun with it, but played more on top of it than under it. If anyone else has fun ideas for toddlers please pass them on.

Day 17

I wasn't planning on writing anything else for a while just because I am sad and everything sounds so depressing, but I'm bored and have nothing else to do.

The Hagler's had court today and it went extremely well. They were only asked a few questions. They are now officially parents to Sasha and Ana. They left this afternoon to go home during their 10 day wait. I am so happy for them, but still a little sad, because we will still be here when they come back and we will still be here when they leave for home for good. Everyone who had their SDA appt the same week as us has either already had court or will tomorrow.

I should be happy that court went good for the Hagler's, because that means it should go good for us, since we have the same judge. But I'm not even going to just expect that, nothing else has gone as I had expected. So, please keep praying.

Kaylee is doing good, and I AM glad for the time to spend with her. Yesterday wasn't a very good day with her. I'm not sure what was wrong, she cried a lot and just wasn't herself, I thought maybe she was getting sick. Yesterday was the first sunny day in a week and a half, it has rained everyday since we got here, except the first day. It is back to rainy today. Anyway, since it was nice we took advantage of it and played outside yesterday. The kids played in the sand box, Kaylee absolutely loved it for about 5 minutes, then she cried the rest of our visit, unless I was holding her.

This morning I went to the orphanage by myself, hoping some time alone with her would help. She was back to normal again. This afternoon the kids came and they played with Kaylee. It was really cute, I took pictures, but I can't post them, only pictures I take with the iPhone can be posted and even then I can't decide where to put them or put captions.

Anyway today was a good day. It was so cute, Kaylee was walking around holding my fingers and following Justus everywhere. And then when I took her back to her class she wanted to stay with me. This is the first time this has happened, usually she is so happy to go back. Please pray that this is a start to her bonding with me.

Malika and Justus are doing ok. I think they are starting to get bored, because there isn't much for them to do. We don't have many toys, and even at the orphanage there isn't anything to play with, unless we go outside, but that has been hit and miss since it has been so rainy. I'm still glad they are here, I just hope they will be able to make it another 5 weeks or so. They watched the few movies we have on the iPad over and over, they can now repeat most of them. It is sad they are so addicted to tv now, but I just feel so bad I let them. We will have a no tv rule for like month when we get home :).

Rules

Josh left yesterday to go back home for two weeks. Saying goodbye to him was probably one of the hardest things I've ever done. It is already had being here, but now having to do this on my own, without Josh will be harder. I am praying for the time to go quickly.

It is very difficult going to the orphanage for 4 hours a day with not much to entertain your child. Some people have these amazing pictures on their blog of play rooms with toys. Can you believe it! They a actually have toys or even a room to play with their child in, but not here. We have the main hallway to play in. And they have so many rules here. The most ridiculous rule, is not being able to sit on the floor. It makes it really hard to bond with your child when you can't just sit down and play with them. Then, yesterday, one of the nannies tried to get us to take some shoes for Kaylee, we had already tried on the 2 pair they gave us for her, one was too big and the other too small, so then they told us we can't let her feet touch the ground with just slippers on. Luckily, I remembered the shoes I brought for her. So, then today, I got in trouble twice for letting the kids do things they shouldn't. The first was letting Kaylee touch the curtains, I thought it would be good for her to experience different textures, but some lady yelled at me for it. Then a few minutes later another lady yelled at Justus for standing on the couch. I already felt on guard with being watched, now I will have to be extra careful. I look forward to going home and just sitting on the floor. I still don't even know if Kaylee can crawl.

When we first got here, there was this little kid in Kaylee's class that I was sure was Quinton, it turns out, she is a girl ( sorry Carol, still haven't seen him, he must be in a different group). Anyway, she is so adorable. I think she must be older than Kaylee, but even more delayed, because as far as I can tell, she can't even sit up. She and Kaylee share the same play crib. I asked her name, they said Sonya. I was planning on asking Marina more about her and why she is not listed on Reece's Rainbow. I have been thinking the last few days, that if I can convince Josh :), I want to come back for her ( as much as I never want to come back, I will). Anyway, today when we took Kaylee back to her class, this lady came in, the nannies gave Sonya to her. She was crying so hard, I couldn't help but cry as well. I asked if she was the mom, they said yes. This just breaks my heart, because you can clearly tell she loves her child, greatly. But, it is just not accepted here to raise a child with DS. The saddest thing, no matter how much she loves her child, or how much she visits her, she will still have to live her life in an institution. I am still going to ask about her.

Justus giving Kaylee a hug.

News from today

Josh has decided to go back home so he can work for a couple weeks, while we wait for our court date. He will be leaving tomorrow. I'm very sad to be left here without him. It will be hard to be so far away. I tried to explain it to Malika this morning, but she didn't understand, both the kids will be so sad when they realize he won't be coming back right away.

The kids are doing better. Malika is starting to talk to Kaylee and play with her a little bit. She still asks everyday if we are bringing her home, I try to explain, but she doesn't understand time. Justus cam say Kaylee now, and yesterday he gave her a hug before we left the orphanage.

I'm having a really hard time with being here so long. I'm very ready to come back home and live life normally again.

Prayer Requests

I have been struggling with what to write, the words just aren't coming very easy. I want to write positive things, so we don't discourage others from adopting, but the truth is that this is really hard.

We really need prayer right now. This is one of the most difficult regions to adopt from, I don't think I knew just how difficult until now. It is all very confusing to us.

Yesterday, our friends the Haglers told us they were given their court date, it is next Thursday. At first, the judge they were assigned to would not hear their case until July! But Marina (our facilitator) begged for a new judge, it was granted and court was rescheduled for next week. Sounds great, except this judge has only heard one other adoption case and it was not for a child with special needs. This judge thinks that people only adopt children with special needs to harvest their organs. I have heard of this and it sounds like a joke, but it is not. They have to have proof that they are a good family and really will take care of the children and that that will be good in their family. this is all too much to do without the Lord and without your prayers. Please pray for them and their children that are at home.

We need your prayers too. Soon after the Haglers told us their court date was assigned, Marina called us as well and said we were given the same judge they were originally given and that our case wouldn't be heard until July as well, but once again she begged for a new judge. We were assigned the same judge they will have, but our court date is not until April 29th. This is 3 weeks away and a lot longer than we had anticipated. Marina is doing all she can do to get it sooner, but if it doesn't happen, Josh will have to go home until court because he can't take that much time off from work. This really scares me, it is already difficult here, it will be even harder to be here without him and to be here for this long.

I am trying to be positive, but it is hard to think that we will get to the end of this and still not be able to bring Kaylee home. I do see God's hand in some of this, like the fact that we brought our children with us.

So please be praying, tell everyone you know to be praying, we need all we can get. Pray for the judge and pray that he will act in our favor. Pray for an earlier court date, but also pray that we will be able to endure if that isn't what happens.

We did have a good visit with Kaylee today, though she fell asleep for a little bit.

Family Photos

More meetings

We have Internet on Josh's phone. It isn't the greatest, but I am so happy to have access to the outside world. The picture I sent the other day was from Gary Hagler's phone, so it wasn't the greatest picture and I wasn't able to write anything with it.

We met our sweet little girl yesterday, she is so perfect. We first met with the social worker, I was so nervous, I had to pee like 5 times :), it wasn't as bad as I expected though, she asked us several questions, like why we decided to adopt a child with special needs and how will I be able to take care of  a child with so many needs when I have two little ones. It was hard to answer them, just cause I didn't have time to think about them. After, we went to the orphanage and met with the director, the social worker also came to observe. The director asked us the same questions plus a few extra. One that took me by surprise was "Don't you think this will be a bad influence to your children", I said "no, exactly the opposite, they will learn to love people of all kinds for who they are and what they are." Then she told me not to be offended by her question, but she has to ask it, because others will ask her. People are very different here in what they think of children with special needs, they don't understand why we even bother. The director was very nice and seems to understand. 

After this they bring Irina in. I jumped up to go get her, but they told me to sit for a while. So she was sitting on a nanny's lap for about 5 minutes while we had to sit across the room. I was very emotional and cried several times, I just couldn't believe we were finally here and this is really happening. She was so beautiful and so happy.

Finally she let us get her, it was one of the happiest moments of my life. she was so happy and smiled and laughed the whole time. We only got to see her for about 15 minutes or so, then they asked us if we wanted to move forward with the adoption. Of course we did. Then we took her back to her class and had to go to the notary's office to make the documents to go forward with our adoption. We were there FOREVER. The notary is more like a lawyer here. They had to create the documents and they don't use computers because they are afraid they will lose everything. 

We get to visit Irina 2 times a day for two hours each time. This morning we didn't have long to visit, because we had to go back to the notary. So we stayed inside about 15 minutes with her then had to leave. After the notary we still had about an hour left of visiting time, so we went back. But they wouldn't let us see her, we were sad, but we were able to play with some other children outside. They called us mama and dada, they were so cute. 

This afternoon we took the kids with us for the first time. Malika couldn't stop smiling, she was in love. She wanted to hold her, but they stuffed her in a snowsuit, it was hard to hold her or interact with her when she can't move. It's not even that cold here, it is cold but not cold enough for that many heavy layers. Justus had a really hard time, I really didn't expect it. Please pray for him, I'm hoping he will adjust soon.

We hope we don't confuse all of you, but we have decided to change Irina's name to Kaylee Irina. We will call her both names for a while until Malika is used to it, then we will drop Irina. I will explain later why we chose that name.

Kaylee is so tiny, but yet a little chubby. She weighs about 17 lbs, but is about 6 inches shorter than Justus. She can sit up really well, and can pull up to standing. She tries to walk a little bit, if I hold her up, but tires very easily.

I will try to write more later and post some pictures. Sorry for the book, again :), it is so hard to write everything, there is so much I left out.

We met her!!!

We are off today

Ok, so I just looked at the time and I'm surprised to see that it is only 4:15 am, and I just took a shower. I got up when josh's alrm went off, he said he was going to get up at 5, so that is what time I thought it was. It must have been only 3 something. I am going to be so tired today, especially since I couldn't sleep last night.

We will be leaving here in about two hours to get on a train to dnepropetrovsk. I'm very ready to meet our little girl, but still so nervous about it. I hope she likes us and that we bond easily. I am really hoping she gets along well and loves the kids, Malika would be heart broken if that weren't the case, like us, she already loves her. She has been a daily part of her conversation for so long.

The kids are doing so well. They have adjusted to the time difference. The last three nights they have slept all night long. Justus has stopped his screaming fits, not sure if is because he learned that he would get spanked when he did that or if he just did it because he was so tired, and now he is not. I know he was doing it because he was tired, but he was so mad and would scream this really shrill scream, it was awful. I am amazed at how well children adapt to wherever they are, way better than us adults.I am really glad the kids are with us, I couldn't do it without them. Yesterday I was in such a bad mood, I had to pray all day that God would change my attitude, I am really starting to miss home and realize we have a long ways to go.

We will be staying with our friends, the Haglers. Instead of it being $30 a night, it will be $50, which is still doable. It will be nice to have other Americans here going through the same thing. The language barrier is the hardest thing to deal with. We really do like it here so far, but it would be so much easier if we could communicate easier.

The culture is so different here, it would be nice if we knew all their rules. When we first got here when I was talking to Serge on the phone, he made it sound like it was unacceptable for our kids to sleep on the floor, it didn't make sense. Then, yesterday we were out walking and got some ice cream, we sat on the ground to eat it, so many people were staring at us, then I looked around and saw that amidst the hundreds of people, no one else was sitting on the ground. Lindsay Hagler said the kids are absolutely not supposed to sit on the ground. It must be some sort of taboo here.

Things to pray for:

That we would get along very well with the Haglers
That Irina would love us and bond with us easily
That the kids would not become bored but enjoy it
That our court date would come quickly
That I will have some sort of Internet connection, so if Josh has to go home it will be easier
That everything from here on out will be smooth

Oh, and for those of you wondering, our friend Justine has been great to have along. I am so so glad she came with us, she is perfect. The kids love her, and she is so much fun, plus it's nice to just have her to talk to.

We got our train tickets

Today we got our official referral for our little Irina. We will be leaving on Sunday morning to go to the town her orphanage is in. I am so excited to finally be able to meet her. 

Sorry to have sad news for all of you, but I don't think we will have Internet access :(. The Haglers, who are also at the same orphanage spent a long time at the Internet store today trying to get Internet, but are unable to. So, I can't promise anything. I'm very sad about this, because I love to blog, and I think all of you are just as eager to see pictures and would want to know how we are and what she is like. it will be difficult to not have outside contact, especially since we will be here for like 8 years :), just kidding. 

So, please keep us in your prayers the whole time, especially for court, that everything will go smoothly with that. And that our time will go quickly, so that we can all stay together the whole time. Also, please be praying for our safety and health. 

I am still planning on journaling all of this and may put it on a separate page on my blog for when we get back. 

Maybe we will have access though, so please pray we will.

We still don't know where we are staying, but I'm just not really worried anymore. It will be a fun surprise :)

We had a great day today, we did a ton of walking. We were trying to save money, so walked instead of getting a driver. There aren't any overweight people here, part of the reason is that everyone walks and the other is probably because their food portions are about half the size. Today we stopped at a tiny sandwich/wrap shop. We ordered chicken wraps, because that is what we could order. They were, oh so good! It was a wrap filled with chicken, potato, cabbage, a pickle spear, and who knows what else. On the top was mayo, we were skeptical at first, but tried it, it was garlic mayo. I think we all agreed it was the best part of the wrap. And it all costs about $10 to feed 5 people.

Later we went to exchange money and I went to talk to someone. Now, I try to speak in Russian, but I'm not that good. Instead of saying hello, I said thank you. They both start with s. I immediately knew I made a mistake and was so embarrassed. They probably laughed at us when we left. Oh well, at least I tried. 

SDA appointment

Today we had our SDA appointment, that is when we get our official referral for our child. Our appointment was scheduled for 10:00.  We were told somebody would come pick us up at 8:30, at 9:20 he still wasn't there, I started to get worried, so we called Nico to see when he was coming. He said he would call him, About 5 minutes later our doorbell rings, and Eugene is here, he is our driver today.

We were running late, so Eugene is walking as fast as he can and his legs are long, so we had to run to keep up with him. We get to the SDA building and were told to come right in. Usually Serge is there and maybe Yulia, but today it was just Eugene, he said Serge didn't come because he was nervous. Strange! Anyway, they got out our little girl's file and then asked us a few questions like what our family was like and why we wanted to adopt a child with special needs, then they told us her name and that she has down syndrome and that she has heart problems, all of which we knew. We were shown two baby pictures, one was more recent, she was so beautiful and happy in the picture. The other one was a newborn picture, but she wouldn't let us see it up close. After, I asked if we could trade pictures, because I brought the one I have. She almost gave it to me, but then changed her mind, so I asked if I could take pictures of them and she said no. I was surprised because most other families are allowed to do this. She said we can't have them until we proceed with the adoption, then we could get them. Knowing we wouldn't be coming back to the SDA, I was confused, so asked if we would be coming back, she laughed and said no, so I asked how we could get them. Eugene says he will get them for me, maybe he will, but I think I will never see them again. I was really upset about this, because we are going to be her parents and they belong to her, they will probably just go into some file and get forgotten about. Oh well, what can I do, at least we will have her. 

I am learning that I cannot expect anything, or compare to other people's stories and that we should just go with the flow. It is very difficult to actually live that way. 

Anyway, our appointment went great other than that part, and we will be picking up our referral tomorrow, but because it is the weekend we won't be able to go to dnepropetrovsk until Sunday. :( but, that is only4 days until we can meet her. 

I am feeling very taken advantage of here, like people think we have all kinds of money to spend. Yulia called us this afternoon and said she found an apartment for us that is 10 minutes walking distance from the orphanage and only $30 a night. We were so happy and praising God, then a few minutes later she calls back and says the person who agreed to $30 was talking to other people and changed her mind to $80 a night. That is such a huge difference and way over our budget. Plus from what we were told the amount that would be in a month is more than 4 times what middle class people get paid. Yulia said it is too much. We are still working on it, so please keep praying that wherever we end up is exactly where God wants us and is reasonable.

We did have a great day, despite those things. It really is ver nice here. I love the language and we can tell they truly love their children. It is just very different than our culture, but still fun. We found a park to take the kids, it was the coolest park I have ever been to, very old and kind of dangerous :),but very fun. We had to walk uphill,  about 20 minutes with many stairs to get there. I realized when I got to the top that I had to go to the bathroom, but there was no going back. I did make it though :). The kids had a blast, laughing and having more fun than ever before at a park, until Malika got hurt. Poor thing, she scraped up the entire left side of her face and her nose was bleeding. It will look so pretty tomorrow :). I took lots of pictures, too bad you can't see them. I can't figure out how to upload pictures from our iPad yet (note to all other adoptive families: bring a laptop, not an iPad). I think I can upload one at a time, so if I can I will put the important ones on here.

I know this is getting so long, but this is kind of a journal for me too. 

I just wanted to share with all of those who don't know already, Priscilla is not her real name, it is Irina (ear-ree-na). Priscilla was the name Reece's Rainbow gave her and we didn't know in the beginning, so that is what we put on our blog. We were told not to write it on public things, but now that it is private, I think it is ok. We will keep it Irina. We have to come up with a middle name by Monday. So fun! 

Oh, and thank you to all of you that left kind words and are praying for us, it really means a lot.

We are here

Yay! We finally have Internet. I was worried we wouldn't have access to it, but praise Jesus, it worked out.

We arrived yesterday afternoon. The kids did pretty well, not great, but good, considering how tired they were. They did wonderful until we got on the plane from D.C. To Munich. That flight was about 8 hours. We left about 5 pm and arrived at about 12:30 our time. Malika did really well, she slept about 4 hours. Justus didn't do so great. He tried to sleep, but was so uncomfortable and tired. He woke about 3 times and screamed, and it wasn't just a little scream, it was very embarrassing, but there wasn't anything I could do. He slept only about 2 hours. When he was awake he was great though, so it wasn't too bad. When we arrived in Munich, it was morning their time, so that threw all of us off. The kids did good and played. Our layover was about 6 hours there. I think they did better than us adults :). The last flight was to Kyiv, it was about 2hours, so not so bad, but none of us did good, we were all crying by the end. 

So, after we get here, we were on our way to our apartment and Serge, one of the facilitators calls and says he has bad news, we can't stay in the house we were planning on staying in where the orphanage is. He says we have too many people and we should have told them we were bringing so many people. It must have been mis-communication, because the lady who emailed about the house said it was fine. Anyway, he wasn't very nice on the phone and made it seem all my fault and that he couldn't find anything. I was pretty upset, but was trying really hard to trust in the Lord, because He did after all bring us this far. 

So, later he calls back and says there isn't much they could find, and how much were we expecting to pay, I said since I thought we were getting the house, we brought enough to pay about$30 to $40 a night. He said he couldn't do that and found something for $80 a night and it is a drive to the orphanage and would cost us $37 one way for a taxi. We would have to do that 4 times a day, so that would be around $260 a day in just rent and transportation. He said they would keep looking but he doesn't expect to find anything else. He said I could look myself. I have no idea how to look or where to look. Anyway, I was so upset and just cried. We can't afford that, plus that would make a very long day everyday and really hard on the kids. 

Gary and Lindsay Hagler came over right when I was crying so hard. They are adopting also. We were planning on sharing the house with them. Anyway, I'm So glad they came, they were very encouraging. Lindsay gave me a hug that was very much needed, and Gary encouraged me not to give up (at this point I seriously thought we made a mistake and was really thinking of going home). He said for them if they left they wouldn't be obeying God. I realized it would be the same for us. They got to Dnepropetrovsk today and said they would talk to Marina (our facilitator in region) and see what they could do for us.

Anyway, long story short, I cried most of the night, but morning did come :). When I got up, I prayed and read my bible and the Lord really encouraged me. I know God will provide, it may not look like what I think it will, it may be better! And whatever situation we are in, we trust in the Lord. He has gotten us this far through un-imaginable difficulties, He won't leave us stranded, and my hope is in that. 

Ok, this was way too long, I probably lost half of you:)

I will post pictures of our adventures so far in another post.

So excited!!!

I can't believe we will be meeting our little girl soon.

2 days

We are leaving in 2 days. I have mixed feelings about all of this. One moment, I am extremely excited and can't wait, and then the next moment is a very overwhelmed feeling. I would say a feeling of dread, but it is not quite that. I can't explain it. I am so so happy to be finally meeting our little girl, and I absolutely cannot wait to see her, hug her, kiss her and just let her know how much I love her, so it isn't that.

We are taking our kids with us, so part of the reason that I think I have mixed feelings about all of this, is that part. Maybe it is the unknown. Not knowing how they will handle any of it. Not knowing if they will be allowed to go to the orphanage, or if they will just be bored while we are there.

My plan is to just stay the whole time, until we can bring our little girl home, but Josh won't be able to stay the whole time. So, I'm not looking forward to being there without him. We are taking a friend with us to help with the kids, so I won't be totally alone.

And then there are all the negative comments, or people "warning" me about taking the children. I know most are in good heart. But, it still makes me re-think our decision. In the beginning of our adoption process, we prayed about taking them, and decided that for our family, this was best. I would rather take the children and it be hard and make the best of it, than to leave them and it be emotionally hard. Besides, children are so adaptable, I don't think this will even phase them much, as long as they are with us. And I have been talking to other families who have taken their young children and they were grateful they took them.

Anyway, I'm not complaining about it, I'm just pouring out my heart. So, please be praying for us. Pray for safety on all of us and that the children will be happy and adapt well to all the differences and the time change.

And please, please, only leave positive comments. We have the plane tickets bought, our minds are made up and our bags our packed, we won't be changing our minds, we are ALL definitely leaving in 2 days. :)

Thank you

I just want to say thank you to all of our wonderful family and friends who have donated their time or money to help us. We are completely blessed by everyone's generosity. It has been amazing to see how God has provided for us since we began this journey. When God said $25,000 is like 25 cents to Him, I really did believe and have faith, but I still laid awake at night thinking of all kinds of fundraisers. I learned very quickly that when God says He will provide, He means it. The wonderful thing is, we didn't have to do all kinds of crazy things for the money, though I would have stood on the street corner and begged if it were the only way to bring our little girl home. But, I didn't have to. I am completely humbled by this too, because I know that many families are struggling to raise the money they need.

Once again, thank you. I have seen so many of our friends seflessly give, when I know they could use the money themselves. We are honored to have so many friends who stand behind us. you are just as much apart of this mission to save an orphan as we are.

If you wonder how much we have saved, it is a little over $30,000. This is combined what was given to us plus what we saved. I think it is a little more than what we need, but that is great, I would really like to get some things for the orphanage, and we would also like to bless another family, as we have been so greatly blessed.

My heart is broken...

for this poor sweet little girl. Her name is Carrington, she was recently adopted and brought home.

She is the same age as Malika, but she only weighs 11 pounds! I sit here with tears running down my face thinking of this sweet little angel. She is in the hospital right now, because of malnutrition. This poor little girl has suffered so much, because she was thought of as worthless. How in the world can somebody look at a little child as worthless? It is so beyond me. Animals are treated better than this.

Here are some posts about her if you would like to read more about her story and see pictures of this little baby.
http://psalmsixtyeight.blogspot.com/2011/03/under-fluffy-pajamas.html
http://angeleyesadoption.blogspot.com/2011/03/urgent-please-pray-for-carrington.html
http://angeleyesadoption.blogspot.com/2011/03/carrington-update.html

Please, please pray for sweet little Carrington. Pray that she will hold on longer and that she will start to gain strength. Pray that she will know what it is to be in a family that truly cares for her. Pray that her memories will be of kisses and laughter, not of hate and loneliness.

Our waiting for you book

This is the photo book that I made to take with us.

If you are adopting and unsure what kind of photo album to take, maybe this will give you an idea. I don't know what others have done, but I think ours is pretty nice. It only costs $13 too, so it was pretty cheap.

Click here to view this photo book larger

I love Malika

This morning Malika was looking at my blog and saw two pictures of our little girl. She said "Look there are two "Priscillas", I'm going to have two "Priscillas", and Justus is going to have two "priscillas", and mommy is going to have two "priscillas" and Lilly(this is her baby doll) is going to have two "priscillas"

I love it, she is so sweet. She talks about her all the time. I think they really will be the best of friends. I can't wait for them to meet.